Fag--er, Fangs

A part of my religious upbringing as a Catholic probably stemmed from my childhood fears of everything that has to do with the devil and any known creature of the night who did his bidding. I believe I was in the pre-school stage when I first heard the term 'Vampire' from my father. The way he described the creature---a supernatural being with superhuman abilities that has a nasty predilection for human blood; with oversized canines for puncturing the victim's jugular and an aberration to Roman Catholic trinkets, sunlight, and garlic. That, and they slept in coffins as well. He mentioned someone called Count Dracula and showed me a magazine with a black and white photo of a tall, gaunt-looking man in a flowing black cape (Christopher Lee, actually) glaring at the camera. The information, the way Dracula looked and what happens to you if a vampire kills you was terrifying, specially when you're a child. There was even a time when I thought everyone in Transylvania were bloodsuckers.

And that's the way vampires should be. Something that sparks some deep-seated terror from people. Not sexy or romantic like the recent films of yesteryears and today's brain-dead pop culture are advocating. (Digression:I have a suspicion that it's another Catholic construct meant to inspire devotion among its congregation. How come it's never mentioned they're afraid of the Star of David, or the Koran, or Jerry Falwell? Interesting.).

This new politically-correct/scientific approach at portraying the entire vampire genre and repackaging it as other than a horror fare is abysmally lame. Anne Rice started it with injecting homoerotic undertones and short of (in my opinion) actually declaring vamprisim as a metaphor for homosexuality; and then you get films like Blade and Underworld that repackaged them as superheroes and mutants. And Buffy The Vampire Slayer. And here comes Stephanie Meyer's Twilight series that turned two titans of horror (Vampire, Werewolf) into characters straight from Sweet Valley High, One Tree Hill and Dawson's Creek. Although yes, everyone has a right to take any material and reinvent it to whatever packaging the author chooses it to be, but something tells me the entire genre has gone downhill since 100-year old vampires who look 17 became the embodiment of a romantic Don Juan who sweeps every pre-pubescent/teenage girls off their feet. I wonder why those so-called guardians of morality kept mum at the very obvious glorification of pedophilia in these series and cried foul when Vladimir Nabokov's Lolita was published or shown (see Stanley Kubrick).

With that said, here are a few Vampire films/reading materials I found to be very entertaining and satisfying:

1. Dracula (Bram Stoker) - still the best book about vampires. period.

2. Salem's Lot (Stephen King) - masterful storytelling. horrifying with occasional bursts of humor. one of king's best. scout for the made for tv movie as well. equally terrifying.

3. Near Dark (f) dir. Kathryn Bigelow - shows a nomadic group of vampires. instead of tall clean looking aristocrats, these were gruesome hobos who bathed in their victim's blood.

Near Dark

4. Fright Night (f) dir. Tom Holland - another favorite. features the late great roddy mcdowall as a phoney vampire killer and chris sarandon as the elegant but humorous vampire neighbor of teenager william ragsdale.

5. I Am Legend (Richard Matheson) - not to be confused with the crap Will Smith adaptation of an outbreak turning humans into mutants with vampiric attributes. stick to the book. million times better.

6. The Horror Of Dracula (f) dir. Terence Fisher - christopher lee's first foray into the role that made him famous. a loose adaptation of stoker's famous novel about the transylvanian count still contains genuine moments of creepiness even by today's standards.

7. Nosferatu (f) dir. FW Murnau - the lack of sound and max schreck's unique portrayal of count orlock added to the general creepiness that pervades the entire film.

8. Dracula (f) dir. Tod Browning - another dracula icon in the person of actor bela lugosi. he, along with lee practically hogged the general appearance of the infamous count.

9. Vampires (f) dir. John Carpenter - decent action/horror film from john carpenter. james woods looks more dangerous than the lead vampire though.