A nightmare, alright

I held off watching the remake of A Nightmare On Elm Street for a variety of reasons. One of which is Michael Bay being attached to the project. And the other, most important point: Why bother?


It's always Hollywood and its endless fascination with remakes. There's always an enterprising studio exec in there somewhere, with a bright idea that probably goes somewhere along these lines: "Hey! Why not reboot an 80s era blockbuster to fit today's braindead audience who has no chance of seeing the original despite the presence of Google and man's innate nature to go looking for things? Let's save them from that 'looking' and make truckloads of money while we're at it." 


If the studios are doing it to explore artistic reinterpretation, then Michael Bay is a modern day Fellini. 


The thing about remakes is that 9 times out of 10, most are simply sub-par, and dreadfully inferior versions of the original work (see: Psycho, The Ring). Unfortunately 'Nightmare...2010' is no exception. 


Remakes do unimaginable harm than good to almost everything, especially on movies that require suspense and rely heavily on the viewer's apprehension and uncertainty about what character will die on the next sequence.


And on a horror-thriller at that. What's the point of watching a 'thriller' if you already know what happened to every major character? For the new generation to be familiar with a 20+ year old celluloid boogeyman? Has spoonfeeding really degenerated to this?


There's the hype of it being the more 'serious and less comical interpretation' that is guaranteed to give you more scares than the original. That Jackie Earle Haley's Freddy Krueger is a lot more brutal and scary than the original Robert Englund version.

Freddy, 2010 incarnation

That would have been very promising except that Freddy is not Jason Voorhees or Michael Myers. Dour, silent killers with no sense of humor.

Freddy's appeal on the other hand, is in the various creative ways he toys with his victims. Always in that nasty sadistic toying and humiliation before going in for the kill.In a lot of ways "Nightmare..." is not exactly a 'horror/slasher' film than a curious fascination on how Freddy will come up with new ways to dispose of his prey.


One memorable sequence in an early installment had him transfer a teenager as a playable character in a video game he was playing. Or a woman bring eaten face-first by a television set. Or Johnny Depp being swallowed by the bed and regurgitated as a bloody mass of pulp back to the ceiling. Horrifying at first, but then you realize it's a movie not meant to be taken seriously.

 

Englund nailed the character's brilliance, nastiness, and most of all, amusing sense of humor and the acerbic kiss-offs that's noticeably missing in Haley's version. Not his fault---a good actor---but what can you do with a character that is so familiar and embedded so deeply in the pop culture landscape people practically know him as how Englund played him? 


They already started with Freddy vs Jason, a fun and satisfying fanboy celebrity deathmatch fantasy came true. Whatever these studio heads are smoking for them to see things like this and resort to the abominable stance of doing a remake, ought to be very expensive.


I wonder how that Fright Night remake is gonna pull it off.

'No'

The last time George Lucas  decided to improve the aspects of his original trilogy, fans (by this I mean people who loved the original set from 1977-1983) were outraged as to why he even bothered with 'fixing' something that isn't broken in the first place.


I had no problem with it at first. This was a chance to see the originals in the theater, the way they were meant to be seen, anyway. 


The only one I was lucky enough to catch on its original theatrical run was Return Of The Jedi in 1983. I was 4. Didn't even know what I was watching was the last part of an epic trilogy. Just that it completely blew my mind, specially those humming lightsabers and how bad guys can actually redeem themselves in the end. 


The earlier films, I watched repeatedly on the VCR. 


The 1997 special editions had, as was previously reported before they opened, some pretty good upgrades and additional scenes that were previously envisioned by Lucas back in '77 but was unable to do so due to the limitations in special effects technology then.

CGI Stormtroopers on CGI dewbacks absent in the original version

That was okay as far as I'm concerned. Who would not want a little additional refurbishing or addition to the landscapes you practically knew even in your sleep? As long as it did not interfere with the story or any major character's presentation.


What raised the red flag for me while watching it in the theater, particularly on A New Hope (Episode IV), was the scene where Han Solo was confronted by one of Jabba The Hutt's henchmen (Greedo). In the original '77 version, Solo shot the villain first.


On the upgraded version, the scene was played out in a way that made me suspect a defect in the movie reel they were using. There was an awkward shift in Solo's head that made it look as if he evaded Greedo's blast first, and fired his own to kill his nemesis. 

Turns out Lucas did not want him to look too ruthless by firing off first.

That scene turned everyone's favorite smuggler/gunslinger from a badass, tako-no-shit kind of person to a boy scout with a tough exterior. Whatever convoluted sense of morality Lucaswanted to impart on the Solo character, totally destroyed how people knew him.

For starters the character really is unlikeable. At least at first. He's supposed to be the balance to the all around good guy country boy hero in Luke Skywalker. You're supposed to view him as an opportunistic scumbag until the end when he turned out to be a great person after all. 


What's even more puzzling is that this is hardly one of the 'technological setbacks' Lucas kept complaining about that he wanted to improve. This is already about changing characters'  motivations and actions. 


It happened again in The Empire Strikes Back. Several key changes in the dialogues were noticeable. A bid for political correctness, most likely. Whatever 'upgrade' Lucas did in the effects department were surely eclipsed by the new things old characters were saying. In other words, the brilliant screenplay of Leigh Brackett and Lawrence Kasdan were not spared from the 'refurbishing'.  


But the worst part of it in the best part of the film as well.


This time in the climactic fight between Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker in Bespin's Cloud City. 


In the 1980 version, instead of giving in to the temptations of power his father promised him if he turned to the dark side, the young warrior from Tatooine chose death by quietly jumping off the small platform he was holding unto. 


In the 'improved' version, Lucas decided to insert a long girlyman scream as he was falling to the chasm. It also sounded distrurbingly similar to the Emperor's own freefall screams when Vader threw him to his own death in Return Of The Jedi.

Gone was the brave freedom fighter who defied the lures of power. In its place was someone who was probably about to go on traipsing in to the dark side for all we know, and just slipped.

Even Lucas realized how stupid the move was and decided to remove it in the subsequent DVD releases.

But what really is infuriating about all these changes is how the guy's obsessive drive to 'perfect' the materials that practically does not need it as far as fans---the real owners---are concerned. Even that kind of motivation or drive is forgivable. At least that shows you the depth of the man's dedication to his art.

However, marketing ploys are another thing. Specially on specialty products like this you know for a fact are held in high esteem by rabid fanboys who'd automatically gobble anything remotely attached to the series.

Insanity for your art is one thing. Butchering a beloved piece of work to sell more of it, is another.

A few days ago news about the Blu Ray version of Return Of The Jedi caused another stir when a leaked footage of the scene in question was seen by most fans. 

Perhaps Mr. Lucas felt slighted about the negative reactions to Vader's prolonged "NOOO!" in Revenge Of The Sith, that he decided to rub it in by letting the iconic character at it again just to get even.

Or maybe he's just being magnanimous by offering audiences countless options on how they want their Star Wars served. Like a twisted version of the Choose Your Own Adventure series.

In any case, if there's any Lucasfilm movie that badly needs a major overhaul, it's Howard The Duck.

Radio for your head: Why Radiohead elitists make me puke

Radiohead's 'Creep' was one of the few alternative-era songs I didn't respond to favorably at first when it hit the local airwaves. 


I was in high school listening to existential and angry music of that era like Metallica, Pearl Jam Guns N' Roses, Nirvana, Soundgarden, Megadeth, Alice In Chains, and the rest of the brooding, throat-shearing, guitar shredding, and flannel-clad, Doc Martens-wearing posse that dominated the pop music climate back then. 


What struck me with that song was how whiny and un-badass sounding it was next to bare-knuckled alternative rock singles like 'Rape Me' and 'Jeremy'. Me and a good friend even joked about the band's trying-hard attempt to sound grunge-y with that all-too familiar crunch guitar noise that comes out of nowhere just before the chorus hits.


That lead singer Thom Yorke sings in a higher falsetto register that sounded too... girly... compared to the popular testosterone-heavy, baritone growl that Eddie Vedder unwittingly set loose upon the world to be used as an instrument of evil by the likes of Scott Stapp and Nickelback, did not help at all. The band members even looked like scrawny, effeminate Vogue model extras who probably got bullied all the time when they were still in school.

Due to endless rotations on MTV, label promotions and strong word of mouth following, Radiohead was ushered into the alternative scene with their unique brand of music that spawned at least another single ('Stop Whispering') that I found more catchy than their banner hit.


But Pablo Honey (1993) won't make it to my collection for at least another ten years. By this time, I have already concluded The Bends (1995) is the best Radiohead album (and one of the best of all time). The overhyped OK Computer (1997) was good, but it was a little too electronica for the band. I like electro-beats, and mechanical bleeps just as much as the next Kraftwerk and Aphex Twin fan---no doubt the template with what they wanted to emulate that time---but I always liked them better singing introspective songs with traditional instruments with the least assistance from synthesizers and sound processors. Case in point: 'High And Dry', 'Fake Plastic Trees', 'Just' and 'Lurgee'. 


Devastating songs that hit you straight in the chest instead of the intellect that mutated into something annoying via rabid fanboys of the band during their later years.


Call me an ignorant philistine but every single Radiohead review, forum discussion, and even the occasional celeb rant almost always contain words likes 'avant-garde', 'erudite', 'artful', 'profound' 'boldest artistic statement', 'genius' and every other intellectual jerkoff terms people scoured the thesaurus with just to describe the band's music. I have never seen/read so much hubris outside of a few forums and video sites that are frequented by snarky jazz music, and Stanley Kubrick enthusiasts.





They are exceptional musicians. Make no mistake about it. Definitely up there with the greats like The Beatles and Miles Davis. But what I do find annoying is the constant edification of the band's fans like they were incapable of making a bad-sounding record because, well, they are Radiohead. It's one of the universal truths, apparently. Understandable behavior from fans, of course. But I suspect a more phoney motivation in that type of following.


There's this unwritten rule that floats around music snobs and indie circles that you can never go wrong with weird.  Of course, the moment MTV plays you, you cease being weird and it's adios muchachos as far as street-cred and artistic integrity is concerned. Even if you're a musician utilizing chainsaws as major instruments or singing about the most mundane things and giving it a little twist by, say, doing something totally self-deprecating and crazy but art-y, that (usually) bespectacled twits are gonna call deep and artistic.


Radiohead are equal parts pop and indie music, in that they are often featured prominently in some of the most popular music rags like Rolling Stone Magazine and SPIN;  be seen on  MTV and other music channels, and can even elicit a slight ripple of familiarity form today's TOP 40 audience. And indie, because most of the latest material the band had produced aren't exactly designed for Starbucks, high school proms, or your average Katy Perry-listening teenager. They're just popular and relevant while retaining a sense of being alienating to most casual listeners, that a lot of the members of their fan base lap up. Like what I previously said about most indie music fans, they'd gobble anything not particularly appealing to most because they see/hear something most of the braindead MTV audience do not. Ergo, superior taste and intellect than most.


Not to mention the elitism and pomposity that goes with the honor of being a 'fan'. Time and again I have witnessed people insinuate, even in a respectful discussion, that a person is "too far off in the mainstream conditioning" or simply" just do not understand the band" when he expresses an opposing, but respectful opinion. Instead of a regular 'its just your opinion' kiss-off, you'd get a full page, single-space lecture on how bad your taste is for not comprehending the glory that is the band. And their boldness to push the limits of music to another level. Rolling Stone writer Rob Sheffield received it with both barrels when he spoke about the band's latest opus in less than flattering terms.


Radiohead has become the musical equivalent of Stanley Kubrick's 2001: A Space Odyssey. Some parts are spectacular, some are not; and you don't particularly get it.


But you just have to like it.

Next episode

In light of the recent brouhaha surrounding everyone's favorite media punching bag, I came to realize how big a chunk Willie Revillame takes up in Philippine culture. Landing the headline of a major newspaper means you’re, well, somewhat of a big deal anyway.

I can empathize with the blind adulation and near canonization of the guy by the hordes of disciples/acolytes ready to act as human shields should anyone threaten the safety of their so-called savior. If one knows anything about Pinoy society, especially those living within the spectrum of the urban poor section of the metropolis, is that most people are willing to sell their allegiance for peanuts and the smallest gestures of goodwill; or for even the tiniest acknowledgements of their existence. Especially when it comes from a media personality extolling the virtues of championing the cause of the 'lowly' poverty stricken denizens of the country. And a millionaire to boot. It's not like these folks have time for actually doubting the motives of the guy; maybe they did at first, but when you live in a desperate existence and somebody showed up with a Robin Hood promise of helping -- just the word 'tulong' (help) is enough: nevermind if it's tulungan kita mag-saing o tulungan kita sa pera.

I believe the whole 'cult of Willie' is composed of people who want to stick a big middle finger to others they view as belonging to a higher social class than they are. I have no empirical evidence to support this--merely observations of the guy's TV programs and his countless YouTube defenders whenever some unsavory comment is thrown toward one of his videos.

No one mentions class war but it has always been there. It was present in the EDSA 3 riot and it's present in the jeers of the crowd last night when Revillame enumerated the scores of celebrities who lambasted him in Twitter. That most of them, like Leah Salonga and Jim Paredes were not exactly 'Masa' material, only exacerbated the situation. It's the classic indirect diss: by dissing the object of everyone's affection, means they are also dissing his supporters. At worst, the message was: The guy's obviously an asshole. Only an idiot would like him. That they were on Twitter bashing him---no doubt in 'inglis'---sealed the deal. 

Tribalism, as my psychiatrist uncle once pointed out, figures a great deal in Pinoy society. And I agree. It’s not that his followers are cretins who do not know how big a creep the guy really is. It's just that they probably don’t care. He's one of them. And he's practically family. The kind who smacks his wife around only to be told by his folks that he's just exercising his authority as the king of the abode because his wife is probably a nagging b*** who needed to be reminded of the order of things. And that 'nagkakasayahan na nga kami dito, bat nyo kami pakekelaman?' Revillame's circle is no fraternity/sorority, but in many respects, the loyalty his people accord him can rival any Greek, Latin or any other secret society in terms of how protective of him they really are. Him to them, and them to him. It may all be phoniness on his part, but if hearing what they want to hear is the way, then Willie is the man.

The guy is not unlike ERAP, in that he always underscores the MASA card and debilitating poverty as fodder for the very people who experience this plight. His antics were never geared toward the academe, middle class nor his peers in showbusiness.You have got to admire the guy for playing the MASA card so brilliantly. Never has appeals to emotion over intellect been in full display on national TV. That he can conjure equal intensities of disgust and admiration from people is a feat in itself; and the networks cashing in on the abomination they have created.

Shutting him down will no doubt create a short term solution for getting rid of the kind of television Revillame promotes. But what it really means for the thousands---millions---of Revillame admirers is another blow coming from the pompous rich academic know-it-alls who has nothing better to do but bully the 'little people' so loved and protected by Revillame. Another persecution from the hoity-toity upper classes, this time in a bigger scale.

It's only a matter of time when another TV network hungry for ratings comes along and a guy willing to cash in on the desperation of the poor decides to don the sheep costume and dance and preen to Dr Dre's 'Next Episode'.

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These wonderful media outfits

Of course everyone is  talking about the recent suicide of ex-AFP chief Angelo Reyes. 


Thank God for overruled office policies concocted by idiots with penis-envy for people listening to portable music devices. 


Everyone who were tuned in to radio stations (Im more of an MP3 listener---my playlist blows all radio format to bits) jerked their head back in unison as if stung by some nasty insect when the news flash from whatever top 40 FM station they were listening to hit them.


By 9:30 AM people at the office were scuttling like ants with their antennae pulled out bumping at each other on the way to the huge TV in the lobby.


As expected, the network covering the event was all business at giving the people their daily dose of intrigue, suspense, and the sick glorified form of voyeurism. 

The coverage didn't disappoint: The hyperkinetic style of talking, interviews of people 'shocked that the man went through with such a dastardly act because he seemed in control and cool all the time', and police reports peppered with delightful terms like 'probably', 'probable', and 'we can assume'. In hindsight, all police media statements in the Philippines have been that way since I was born.


And the collective 'tsk' 'tsk' coming from the audience that either meant they were sorry for the dead man or they were sorry that not another one of the accused joined him. Either way, it's amusing to watch the audience react to the images and sounds splattered all over the boob tube.


Nothing like a little high-profile death as a worthwhile distraction from the mind-numbing routine of updating the database for shipping clients.


It's not until the first primetime news coverage that I actually complained. 


When someone dies, specially high-profile military officials accused of corruption, I tend to go overboard with my imagination that it may have been an elaborate murder setup meant to look like a suicide; as well as a host of other questions I wanted to ask like why the hell did he deviate from the usual method of the fastest, simply blowing-your-brains-out and opted for the chest where the likelihood of suffering before you die is a lot higher.

Simple, common questions like those were never asked even once during the entire week of primetime news broadcasts. What you get in exchange, is the most cringe-inducing 'tribute' about the deceased courtesy of interviews (testimonials actually) with his closest friends, family, a neverending rotation of his scholastic achievements and professional success. It practically accomplished what soap operas can only dream about these days in manipulating the emotions of the viewers.


Makes you wonder when someone will appear onstage all teary eyed saying some cliched testimony about how great a fellow the guy really is. Oh wait, they already did that. Just how exactly do broadcasting media practitioners in this country operate? At least the big, prominent ones. Because the whole time they were focusing on the suicide story the only relevant information that came out of it was how much Filipino viewers were undiscerning in the news content of their news programs. 


Even if it's already insulting to the intelligence.

Prosti The Snowman

a lot of the presidential campaign materials, specially the ones shown on tv ought to be given a special awards ceremony for the tackiest, most insulting-to-the-intelligence, amoral, and downright ugly pieces of excreta ever to assail a person's senses. this is a new highpoint (or low) in the history of philippine politics. a long time ago you'd get jingles and tv plugs that were reasonably done with a modicum of restraint (and even good taste) and the consideration that maybe people aren't that stupid to buy whatever bullshit they decide to cram over the collective consciousness of the masses.

now you have statesmen (clowns, actually.) doing rap songs more embarrassing than than the public humiliations done to them by their little sisters, filthy rich real estate moguls trying hard to hammer everyone how destitute they are, and senators with their own version of a schoolyard brawl capped with seemingly harmless ‘insertions’. it would have been better had it ended in an actual fistfight but I guess they’d probably say they had “class”. Classy people stooping lower than humanly possible to eke out the last of whatever dignity they have just to get that elusive vote. At least whores have the decency to do what they do in private. You get the usual “iaahon ko kayo sa kahirapan” and “susugpuin ko ang korupsyon”. but then you wonder why the hell nobody asks them HOW. In less than four months non-taxpayers and unemployed members of society will again define how i’m going to be taxed.

At least this proves that advertising really changes things for you. No matter how banal, controversy-ridden, and totally devoid of any platform to run your position is, advertising neutralizes everything and makes you look good in front of most people. Just bombard the net, airwaves and broadsheets with your image and people will succumb to the sick pavlovian conditioning you did from endless exposures to your image. Never mind that you’re the asshole who’s gonna take control of their lives for the next 6 years. Nevermind that you’re definitely going to recoup all those billions spent on endless rotations on that sea of garbage jingle spinning in everyone’s head like an irritating mosquito that keepes buzzing in your ear that you just can’t kill.

this reminds me of jive guys who proudly proclaim pink as their favorite color. not because they're gay, or perhaps they really do like it despite society's nearsighted perception on gender preferences, but because it's one way of telling the world "hey! i'm a macho guy comfortable with my own sexuality. look at me. aren't i cool for liking something normal men hate? by the way check out my abs." so what it all boils down to is your simple garden-variety attempt at cuteness and attention-grabbing ploys designed for people with an iq of a carrot. and believe you me, it really works.

I overheard this from someone a few days ago: “kaya naman pala magtapon ng maraming pera sa campaign, ba't di ginawa nung senador pa lang at gamitin yun pera para tumulong talaga? ikanga e, kung gusto mo talaga tumulong, tutulong ka."

if you want to shoot, shoot. if you want to plunder, make godawful campaign materials.

Tira

A little hilarious piece from my sister. Funny, brutal and true. You would not want to be the reason for her irritation. Plus, I'm too lazy to write anything of my own just yet so I'll resort to this shameless attempt at adding anything this blog for the sake of having an entry. Apologies to non-Hiligaynon speakers.

link:

"http://vanhalenfan.wordpress.com/2009/03/13/pande-what-oh-monium/

Do not patronize CD-R King-Megamall

Ia and I went to Megamall Last Sunday (1-Feb-09) afternoon to buy supplies for the house and I decided to drop by CD-R king to get DVD cases for my pirated movie collection, as well as to score some rewritable CDs for burning. It's common knowledge that the store is usually overflowing with people but I was willing to brave through the crowd to get what I came for. Andun na rin lang, lubusin na.

I took a priority number (64) and waited patiently for my turn. I was there in front of the main counter where at least three female attendants who were probably in their mid-20s were busy attending to other people. By the time number 63 called I doubled my effort spot "64" among the escalating noise of the crowd and was surprised when I saw number 65 being passed from the counter to my left towards an attendant a the far right of the counter in front. You do not need to be a rocket scientist to deduce that you have been bypassed. But I swear I was paying attention and did not hear my number called out. My fears were realized when the attendant who received 65 called for number 66. I called her attention and told her I was bypassed but instead of acknowledging my pleas for assistance she waved her hand dismissively, and contorting her face that read "GET LOST", so I asked for the woman in front of me to assist, but I got another poker-faced reaction.

By this time I was already in a confrontational mode and decided to ask if they indeed called out 64 but the attendant with the contorted features decided to take rudeness to another level by making snide remarks that it was my fault for not paying attention, that kanina pa daw sila nagtatawag, ala naman daw lumalapit, etc. I was right in front of the counter and the woman who handed out 65 to the other was in close proximity to my left side the whole time I was waiting but I swear I haven't heard anything. In situations like these where you feel you didn’t do anything wrong, controlling your temper becomes a task of herculean proportions but I surprised myself by not going into full blown shouting match. What I did was I asked my wife to leave the store and as we were going out, I could still hear the side comments from several attendants that appeared to be provoking me into a full-on "eskandalo" deathmatch but I just grinned and contemplated on how to get back at these people with minimal effort but with maximum results. Engaging them into a full-blown word war was out of the question, as these shops clearly do not have a manager or supervisor to monitor their staffs' behavior. And even if they had (CD-R King that is), I'd bet my life that it would also be another idiot who'd most likely take the side of his staff and who probably inspired them to be total assholes in the first place. Had I taken the bait, the entire shop would've swallowed me.

Okay let's assume that it was really my fault for not hearing or paying attention. Would it hurt these staff members to decline with even an iota of courtesy? I'm not a person who enjoys conflict, so had the attendant told me to just get another number and said sorry I would have obliged with no complaints. But arrogance, especially one that is motivated by ignorance and stupidity is dangerous. Ang siste, e utang na loob mo pa bilang customer ang pagtangkilik sa shop nila't paglingkuran nila. I was tempted to relegate these SOBs in the clichéd asal palengkera denomination but that would be an insult to real palengkeras everywhere.

Those side comments really bothered me so we marched towards the administration office to file a written complaint against the entire shop. I was surprised when the guard on duty told me it was the first time someone actually filed a written complaint in Megamall. And I thought it is exactly why those attendants had the temerity to do what they just did. They were probably so confident in their capabilities in ganging up against a person during heated arguments that they forgot technicality wins over the best arguments, or the loudest voice, anytime. After writing my statement I was accompanied by two guards and their chief to identify the star attractions.

Their reaction when they saw me march toward the store with the guards was priceless. In fact it made the entire ordeal worth it. A little public service tip: if this kind of thing happens to you, especially in a big mall like SM (these corporations do have customer care standards), go straight to the admin office and file a complaint and have the admin officers escort you to the offending parties and indentify them. In a shouting match, you compete against someone to hog the spotlight. Having admin officials with you gives you unlimited verbal abusing powers (and you don't have to shout to get your point across because everyone's quiet and staring at their own feet) and the ultimate 'sorry po sir' that was missing in your first encounter.

It was like what Kevin Spacey's serial killer in SE7EN said: "Asking people to listen, you just can't tap them in the shoulder anymore. You have to hit them with a sledgehammer. And then you'll notice you have their undivided attention..."

We went to church afterwards.